It's hard to be a single mom. It's frustrating. There are times when you can't wait to be able to just go to the bathroom in peace. Then again, it's quite awkward when you are able to. There are days when I feel like I have so much on my plate; but then I see those little girls and my world just gets a lot less stressful. They can be acting like monkeys on Red Bull and saying "NO!" to everything I tell them to do or not to do, and it still makes my day. Just hearing those little voices and seeing those amazing, dimply smiles is the most amazing thing in the world.
I know that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. However, to me the closest you can get to that is loving your child with everything you have. It's making every action you do and every thought in your head for those children and how it could effect them in the short or long term. That's what I do. I may not be the best mom in some people's eyes because I let my girls stay up until they are tired and wake up when they are rested. I don't force a schedule on them. I don't force my two year old off of a bottle or a pacifier. I didn't force her into potty training. I'm not forcing my 9 month old into walking or talking. I'm just letting them be little and watching them learn. I do teach them. I teach them a lot, but I don't force it on them. I try my best to make it fun for them. I talk to them all the time. I'm always holding them or playing with them. I've watched Nick Jr so much my head may explode one of these days.
I've gotten to where changing horrible diapers is a PIECE. OF. CAKE. Haha. I know what the girls want before they actually verbally (or physically) tell me. It may sound weird, but those girls are like my best friends. Not in a, we share secrets and they're my BFFs like I have my adult friends. I have plenty of grown up friends and I love them, and I LOVE some talk-time with people over the age of 2. :) However, in a sense that I have a STRONG bond with my babies, they are in a way my little buddies. We do so much together and I love spending time with them and helping them learn and grow. I want to have their back all of the time; and I know that I will. There's no doubt about that. Those girls come first. So, I guess in a weird way they are just my Polly Pocket sized little buddies.
Not to mention, they're just absolutely the most amazing daughters in the world. They make me so proud. I never thought love like this existed. When I was younger "love" consisted of Prince Charming. Now, my view of romantic love is pretty distorted and not appealing at all.
I thought that on November 27, 2008 when I found out I was pregnant, that was strong love. Then, on July 23, 2009 at 3:52 pm I gave birth to the most precious 8lb 3oz baby girl. My heart could burst at the seams from all of the love it held. I won't lie, when I found out I was pregnant with Kealan on January 7, 2010, I was afraid that maybe I wouldn't love another baby that much. It's just hard to comprehend loving more than one person to that degree. September 28, 2010 at 4:27 am, I had in my arms another precious little girl, this time only 7 1/2 lbs. My heart was even more full.
Now, being the one person to raise them and watch them grow from day one...it only intensifies your love for them. I go to bed and pray, and I thank God every night for blessing me with those amazing little girls. No matter the trials I have to go through, I am so happy that I received them. Every night that I go to bed, followed by a morning I wake up, I wake up feeling even MORE in love than I was the night before. It's such an inexplicable love.
No one could ever understand the love of a mother. I know there are a few great dads out there too, who love their children just as much. For a mother, it's growing that child inside of you and just having that connection. In my case, it's all that and more. I couldn't imagine a life without them. It's a lot of work to do everything I'm doing, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I don't have the urge to go out and party. I don't have the wants or needs to do anything that my girls couldn't possibly attend with me. By this I mean, I wouldn't want to take them to a cook out/keg party. I would, however, take them to a cookout with other friends and family and their kids. It's true a mother always thinks twice, once for herself, another for her children. A decision is never made without them in mind.
I could never be okay with myself if I did some things that people have done with their kids. It just gets me so upset. Children are such a blessing. No, it's not easy. Yes, it does turn your world upside down and ask for you to grow up a LOT...but it's so worth it. It's worth it when you get up and leave for school and your little 9 month old raises her hand and waves and so sweetly says "Byyyyye byyyye", and when you come home she and her two year old sister are grinning from ear to ear. One squealing, the other one shouting "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" Then when I put them to bed Kealan will smile so big as I kiss her forehead and tell her I love her. I turn around and Ireland has her arms open wide saying "HuG" (emphasis on the G part haha) and "KISS!" Then I give her a hug and a kiss. She says "Nigh nigh, I yuv you, mommy." Then she blows me a kiss when I am at the door. That's our little thing. :)
Those little moments make my entire day. I just don't see how some people just cannot see the worth in their children or children in general. It's the most amazing thing in the world. I may not be the best at anything, but I know for a fact that I am one HELL of a mom. That is one thing no one can take from me. I know that I am a good mom. I know that I love those girls, and I know that everything I do is for them.
This blog is very choppy and random, but after today...such a long, grueling day...I can't help but not worry about the little fits and the food on the shirts, and the diaper accidents, and the passing out in the Sam's buggy that was just WAY too adorable for words. All I can think about is how MUCH I love my life. The reason I love it so much, is because of those little girls. I know that they need me to take care of them and to teach them and love them, but the truth is...they do the same for me. I need them for the same reasons.
I am just so very thankful to have the honor to be called "Mommy".
Especially by those little buggies. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment