Strength means being scared out of your everlasting mind, but doing it anyway.

Strength doesn't mean you can never cry. Strength doesn't mean you always have your game face on, you never make mistakes, and you never trust. It doesn't mean you are always on top of everything, and it surely doesn't mean you always have a smile on your face and a laugh on your lips. Most of all, it doesn't mean you're not afraid.

Strength means you aren't afraid to show what you're feeling inside. It means you will make mistakes, but that you aren't afraid to deal with the consequences from them; learn from them. Strength means being scared out of your everlasting mind, but doing it anyway.

At least, that's how I see it.

I'm twenty two years old. In one scenario, I should be graduated from college, or nearly graduated. In another, I should be married (happily) with two beautiful little girls. However, life has a funny way of throwing you a curveball when you least expect it and when you need it most.

If you would have told me three years ago that I would be in the position that I'm in now, I would have laughed in your face. There's no way that would be me. Well, "ta-da"! It's me. I'm a young, full-time single mom. I'm a full time student, and full-time entrepreneur. My plate is far from full; it's overflowing. There are times I sit in bed and I just wonder how in the world can I juggle all of this. Then, I pray about it; ask for a little help from God, and everything seems to be lifted from my shoulders. I'm slowly but surely learning that stressing over things, and worrying about things won't help and won't make those things go away. However, trusting in God will. You just have to have faith that everything that happens is happening for a reason.

It sounds cliche because everyone says that. I've been through a lot in the past three years; especially the past five months. So, I know that this is true. I know that just having faith in God, or whatever/whomever you believe in (because I know some people just don't have the same opinions as I do) helps immensely.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared. It seems God trusts me with a whole lot. I know I'm strong; HE knows I'm strong. Sometimes, I wish neither of us had that much faith in me. What I wouldn't give for a peaceful day with no stress with my daughters. No worries in the world. No heartache. No pain. No tears. No stressing about school or "work". Just a lazy, rainy day with movies and a big, warm blanket...snacks...and my babies.

That's exactly what I need right now.

There are a lot of times I feel lonely lately. I wonder if it's that I am ready to move on from what I thought I had; or if it's just the fact that I was so used to having someone there that I feel a void. Either way, (yet again) I'm learning slowly but surely that the only true happiness in life comes from my daughters, from my family, and from my amazing friends. Not to mention, myself. I don't need anyone but those people. In all honesty, I don't need anyone but my daughters and my family.

I'm so blessed to have a family who loves me as much as mine do. Without them, I would be royally "screwed" with this situation. My friends, the ones who have stuck by my side, are the best in the world. You may look on my Facebook and think there are a lot of people commenting, possibly for attention or to be fake but...really, honestly, they are ALL my friends. They are ALL truely there for me, and love me...and I love them. And don't get me started on my daughters. Words can't even begin to express the amount of love and happiness I feel when I even think of them.

I thought my life was in ruins a few months ago. Looking back, it never was. It was just changing at a rapid pace and that terrified me. Change scared me. I know I'm a great person. I may not be drop-dead gorgeous or anyone's "dream girl" or "first choice", but I'm a good person. I'm an HONEST person. I'm a loving girl; and a smart girl. I have respect for myself and others. I love God. I love my family; and I love to laugh.

I just keep telling myself, Mr. Right is out there somewhere. I think he just took a wrong turn and got lost. Then again, if he's not out there: that just means I'm meant for something more. Whether I fall in love again or not, I'm happy. I have the two most amazing gifts in the world. Ireland and Kealan - they are my strength. They are my definition of strength. I haven't broken down in front of them. I haven't bad mouthed their father in front of them. I haven't done anything to cause me to lean on them; but secretly in a sense I have. It is their presence in my life that causes me to pick up and carry on. They give me every ounce of strength I have to make sure this time it's done right. To ensure their happiness, well-being, and to make sure that those girls know exactly how much their mother loves them; and how much she would do just to see them smile.


That's what makes *me* strong.